Monday, November 19, 2007

Open letter to the God of Cycling.


Firstly, thanks again for all of the bicycles, especially the hand-built ones, 29ers, singlespeeds and fixies. Now, before I lull you into a false sense of security I need to be honest, I'm a bit peeved at how you mocked me today.

The day started off well, I awoke to the sound of rain on the tin roof, thinking I'd have to ride to work in the rain. But, low and behold the rain stopped. I installed my brand new fenders and had a great ride to work via the beach, not a drop on me, all good! The ride home was also sensational, tail wind the whole way, my singlespeed legs spinning like crazy but barely working. Thanks. It's what happened from there in that really gets me.

I jumped on the Karate Monkey. We both know my feelings on this one of your creations. What possessed you to make the bottom bracket so damn low? I mean, it's ridiculous. However, the state of the trails this afternoon had me forgive all of your misdemeanours. The soil was so sticky it was unbelievable. Last nights rain wet it, then today's sun baked it nice and hard. Awesome. I was having the ride from heaven, the sun started going down, I switched my lights on, all was good. Then you mocked me.

A wasp stinging me on my left buttock is one thing, but the sudden searing pain was made no better as I swiped the bug away, because instead of flying away, the thing landed on the back of my head and stung again. The pain was indescribable. Was I supposed to pull my knicks off and tend to the arse sting or remove my helmet and tend to the sting which was closer to my brain. I was a grown man brought to tears.

Five or ten minutes passed, the pain subsided and I began to ride again. I was riding just long enough to get back into the groove, when a puncture struck my front tire. I never get punctures. What gives?!?!

My arse is now burning hot and red. I have random sharp pain emanating from behind my ear and I'm down a tube, one of my good 29er ones that I save for races.

You've been good to me in the past, have I done something wrong? I swear I haven't looked sideways at a Giant or a Trek, I mean, what would be the point? I know they are bikes of the devil, built for the masses. Surely whatever it is we can come to a deal.

In anticipation, your friend in skin tight licra and wool blend. Ty.