Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Received a text on Friday night, while I was enjoying some drinks at the Riverside Tavern.

T-bone: I'm pissed. What r u doing bitch? Specialized carbon technology is the best. I eat hills for breakfast.

Refering to his new Specialized Roubaix bicycle.

Me: Bitch. Get back to me when you can ride an Italian frame up Paluma Range in less than fifty three minutes. My gin and tonic is here, fueling up for the North Queensland Games road race tmw.

Smack talk that proves nothing. The gin is possibly the reason I was severely dehydrated during the race the next day. Live and learn.

T: You suck bitch. I did the Paluma Range (all of it) in 52 minutes on my Avanti. Btw. congrats on the world champs selection. Say hi to gordo.

Almost a reasonable reply.

2006 - Cervello R3 wins Paris Roubaix.

T: You r a lame arse pussy mother fucker euro bike frame riding pussy bitch with a face like the arse of a british bull dog licking piss from a nettle. Bitch.

I assume someone either took custody of his phone and sent this, or he just consumed at least four Jagerbombs simultaniously.

Me: There's a cheap asian hooker here, she says you regularly ride her, but she's never satisfied by your pathetic endurance and cheap taste. She will pass on the details of the shemale she knows in richmond.

Responding with equally pathetic insults. Although I do like the way I created a correlation between a cheap Asian hooker and a Specialized road frame.

T: Your legs are like rubber bands. Talk to me when you know how to ride like lightning. When your legs are like steel springs. When you r as fast as a leopard. When you take one breath and inhale the next hill. When you can do all that, come down here and ride with me. Bitch. Yeah! I talk tough.

Me: I submit to your quite obviously fierce riding prowess, i have nothing. Teach me.......How to be gay! Stomp stomp stomp slam!

I'm a child, a drunk child.

2007 - Cervello R3 wins Paris Roubaix.

Sunday arvo, while I was enjoying some drinks at Jamaican Joe's. The day of the Paris Roubaix.

Voice Mail message from T-bone: "Just letting you know that the race on tonight is named after my bike. The Roubaix Pro is such an awesome machine that they named a town and a race after it."

Me (text): You are such a wanker........

Me: Oh. And i forgot to mention, my bike has won the P2R the last two years in a row. Is anyone riding your bike this year?

Sometimes the facts need to come out.

2008 - Cervello R3 comes second in Paris Roubaix.

Monday Morning, while I was not enjoying work.

T: Old wise man once said - "build the Specialized Roubaix carbon frame, and he will win". The prophecy is now true.

Me: Pity they had to add extra carbon inlay to make it strong enough. Oh well, not everyone can make a raceable frame that is also available to the general public! Thank god for the Cervelo R3. Two wins, one second place and there's one sitting in my bike room!

Three days later, Cervelo R3 is still scoring.